During our 40 days workshop yesterday we sat in a guided group meditation for 10 minutes. I was trying to focus on the words spoken by our teacher but instead I was tripping out on how as I tried to sit perfectly still my body subtly swayed from side to side. It felt like an earthquake, which I always imagined would be a generous shake but really feels more like a rocking of the earth from side to side. I was reminded of a memorable yoga class where we stood in Utthita Hasta Padangustasana and the teacher made us hold our neighbor's foot so that the entire room was connected. Finally, she told us to close our eyes and we all swayed together. My friend Janie was with me and we still talk about how amazing it was.
At the end of the meditation someone had a question: "How does the spiraling work when I can't get past head or my throat?" and I'm going "whaaat?" This whole discussion came into the room and I had no clue what it was about. I realized, that just like in school, my body can be present and physically listening but my mind just flies away. I felt very angry and sad that I had missed the guidance of what sounded like key knowledge of connection between mind and body. As in school, I felt like I was coming back from a daydream and the teacher says "and that will be the super bonus question on your test." But this time, there was no friend to tell me what that question will be and I certainly have no clue as to what the answer is.
So far I have gone to yoga everyday but the meditation commitment slipped a little and those brigadeiros didn't do me any favors. This week we are focusing on fresh self-prepared foods, and I'm looking forward to it.
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